Fears and Troubles
by Kerzikhan
Summary: Alanna has two secrets, her sex and a deadly neurological condition. It could kill her or get her caught at anytime. Alanna has kept the condition at bay for a year, but she loses control of herself briefly, it is enough. 10 years ago comes back hauntin


Disclaimer- I own nothing. And yes I quoted some things from the book, which is why the first part is in quotes.

""Don't be such a ninny," Alex urged as Alanna struggled with the skates. "Surely you ice-skated at Trebond."

Not since I was little," Alanna replied curtly, eyeing the frozen surface before her. Gary and Raoul were racing their squires while Jonathan helped Cythera of Elden to her feet. Another of the Queens ladies, Gwynnen, was laughing merrily as she preformed figure eights under the January sun.

How had she let herself walk into a stupid bet with Alex? She hadn't ice-skated since she was just five. But everyone had called her chicken, and Jonathan had looked at her with "Please?" in his eyes, and Alex had bet her ten gold nobles that she couldn't get around the pond once without falling. Her nobles pride couldn't refuse such a challenge, even though she had been wary of Alex ever since the mock duel when he had nearly killed her.

Her friends applauded as she tottered out onto the ice, Faithful yowling encouragement from the land. He had insisted on coming, although---like any sane cat---he hated water, frozen or not. Alanna tried a few steps, relieved to find the ice was firm beneath her. Getting a little bolder, she skated several feet, stopping only to retie a skate lace.

Without warning Geoffrey and Sacherell swept up behind her and seized her by both arms, taking off with her down the ponds length. Alanna laughed and ordered them to let her go, knowing they wouldn't drop her. Raoul's squire was the best skater in the palace, and Georffrey was quite good for someone born and reared in Persopolis. Grinning, they deposited her in front of Alex.

"Well?" The young knight grinned, pointing to the ice. "A bets a bet!"

Alanna set off doggedly around the edge of the pond, her legs pumping steadily. Once she got into the rhythm of it, she had only to watch for bumps and rough spots in the ice. _This is more fun than I remembered_, she thought, reaching the far end of the pond, many yards away from her friends. _Perhaps I should skate more!_

At this end of the pond there were several clumps of reeds. She gave them a wide berth, remembering that ice was weaker in such areas. Only a third of the way remained to go when the ice gave way beneath her. She fell into bone-cold water like a stone, biting back a scream of fright" (Tamora Pierce, 1984). It had happened almost just this way when she way when she was five.

Blackness.

Jonathan was the first to the hole where Alan had fallen in. Raoul skidded to a halt less than a second after Jonathan. Gary was shouting at the girls to get help, they went off sprinting. Alex stood silent in shock for a few moments before joining his friends at the hole.

Jonathan tore of a mitten and rolled up his sleeve. He thrust his hand into the water, hissing as he came into contact with the freezing water. He groped around to try to find a hand, or anything. He came up with nothing. "I've got to go in." he told them gloomily, starting to strip off his jacket.

"No," Gary told him. "Alan can swim, he'll be alright. As soon as you see something under the ice or water grab it, or melt the ice." He said frowning.

"How long do we wait, if we see nothing?" Raoul asked.

"I, I don't know." Gary replied shakily.

The young knights waited several long second with no luck. It would be several more minutes before any help came. Jonathan sent a silent prayer to Mithros and the Goddess to let her live. "I have to do something, now." Jon said determinedly. He spread his hands wide and inch away from the ice and whispered a fire spell. His hands blazed into life with bright blue fire creating a large hole in the ice before the young knights. All looked hard to see any dark shape in the water that could be their young friend. A small red-orange light blazed on the farther side of the hole, Raoul was the first to see it.

"Look! Do you see the small orange light?" The large knight said pointing.

"Yes!" Jon, Alex, and Gary shouted together. "I'll go, after all sh—he is my squire and my responsibility." This was Jon alone. He threw off his skates, jacket, and other outer things. Quickly he whispered a warmth spell on himself and dove in.

He kept his eyes open, though the water stung them and pumped powerful arms and legs the bottom of the pond towards the small light. His fingertips felt human flesh. He felt along the facial features until he found the thicker part of the body, a waist. With one arm around the small person's waist he tried to swim back to the top of the pond. He prayed to any and all gods who listened that he would make it to the top and survive along with his small friend. His lungs about to burst, his head broke the water and gulped a huge breath of air. The small body that he had carried up was tugged from his numb grasp. Another pair of strong arms pulled him out of the water.

Jon, lying on the ice, looked around and saw two healers, a mage, Raoul, Alex, Gary, Alanna, and Faithful. The cat, Faithful, had gone to the spot where Alanna had fallen in and was licking the ice. What in the world? Jon thought. The cat mewed,_ salt_, it told him. At the time he didn't comprehend that he had just heard a cat talk. "Salt," he whispered.

"What was that, Jon?" That was Gary.

"Salt, some one threw salt on the ice, to weaken it."

"We'll talk about this later." Gary told his friend. Jon nodded as a healer came to check on him.

Raoul watched as the healer looked Alan over and shook his head. "Out cold." He started confusedly, "He is perfectly healthy, besides the fact that he just fell into a freezing pond. I cannot find anything wrong with him. Out cold, I would think he was dead, save for the slight rise and fall of his chest. His heartbeat is almost nonexistent." The healers next instructions where to Raoul, the biggest man there, "Can you carry the little lad to his rooms while I fetch Duke Baird?"

"Yes, Sir." Raoul picked up his small friend and strode quickly to the palace.

Once in Alan's rooms he dumped the undersized boy on his bead. Coram was walking through the door to see what had happened. "Gods all bless," he murmured. "What happened?" he barked at Raoul.

"He fell into the pond, while we were ice-skating." Raoul explained.

"Would ye be so kind as to get wood for the fire while I change my young master into dry clothing?" Coram inquired politely, secretly hoping to get rid of the knight so he could strip Alanna.

"Of course, I'll be right back." Raoul hurried out of the room to find a serving man or woman.

Coram swiftly stripped off the girl's clothes on put on fresh ones turning slightly pink as her shirt and breeches came off. No sooner had he tucked the blankets firmly around her than her eyes opened slightly. "Alanna." He whispered. The girl, taking no notice of him or his voice, looked around once and closed her eyes.

Duke Baird, followed by a second healer, Jon, Gary, Raoul, and a serving man with wood all came in thirty seconds later. The Duke went straight to Alanna's side. "She just fell in the pond? That's it? You didn't see anything strange happen to him?" Jon shook his head.

"He was just fine up until he fell in the water." Jon replied. "After that he sank to the bottom, it didn't look like he struggled at all."

Duke Baird looked at Coram, "Have there been any changes in his condition?"

"Just before ye came in the lad opened his eyes. He looked around without recognizin' anything and then closed his eyes, your grace." Coram told the Duke.

"I see." The Duke looked puzzled. "I am going to look inside his head and see if I can find anything that might have caused this." Placing cool hands on the young man's forehead he sent his Gift inside him searching. He looked for some minutes finding nothing unusual. Finally, the healer decided to look in the boy's skull and brain. Normally the boy's own Gift would have instinctively blocked Baird, but now it did not. That meant something was seriously wrong. Baird looked at all of the youth's brain in sections. He spent a long while doing this before discovering a slight abnormality. A few of the cells still hummed with an electrical charge, but that was it. Even as he discovered this, the humming ceased.

Baird pulled hands away from the squire and looked around. "How long did that take?"

"About thirty minutes." Gary told the chief healer. "Alan opened his eyes a couple of times and looked around without recognition, just as Coram said he did earlier."

"Well, there is nothing that I can do. We will just have to wait until he comes around."

Everyone was nervous. At one point, about fifteen minutes later, Alan opened his eyes and blinked a few times then sat up. "Alan, can you hear me?" Jon asked his squire. The youth looked at him, a progression. But, alas, Alan lay back down and pulled his blankets closer to him than before. All in the room released a breath that they didn't know they had been holding.

"He doesn't seem to remember me, or anyone for that matter." Jon stated.

"Mithros and the Goddess help us," Raoul voiced the silent thought in everyone's mind.

All sat on a chair or ground, or stood. The only movement was the young squire periodically tossing, or sitting up and looking around the room at nothing. Tension stretched throughout the room. The crackling fire was the only sound to break the horrible silence. Silently Faithful, the squire's cat entered the room. He started to pace the room, making everyone even more nervous than before. Suddenly, Alan let out a big sigh and settled a little more into his covers.

A good twenty minutes later Alan sat up for a third time and looked around, all had given up hope for the boy's memory to return. "What is wrong?" Alan's voice emerged as a sleepy whisper. Everyone jumped up; Faithful sprang to the youth's chest and started mewing without pause. "Sleep." Was all he said, and then did so.

"Do you think…?" Gary whispered.

"I have no idea," Baird answered the unfinished question. "I figure that he'll just sleep it off." The Duke sighed. "I have been away from the infirmary too long, I must get back. Bring him to me as soon as he is fully alert." Baird walked out, his assistant mutely following him.

All that were left were Gary, Raoul, Jon, Coram, Faithful, and Alan. Faithful, now contented that his human would live, curled up on the blankets at the foot of the bed and went to sleep. This was a good sign, as far as anyone could tell and they all relaxed. Coram, they only one there that still did not know the full story requested it. The three knights filled him in, alternating between them. Afterwards they all sat in silence for some time.

After another hour or so passed. Swiftly Alan sat up straight. "Did I win the bet?" He was fully aware and awake.

Raoul and Coram started laughing, then crying, and then they both went into hysterics.

_Blackness._

_Spots of light danced in Alanna's vision. 'Hold on, my daughter.' That voice was like a pack of hounds bellowing in the hunt._

_A blur of light and shadow appeared, then was gone. This happened twice more._

_For a third time light and shadow was there, it disappeared a few, brief times but always came back. The differences between shadows and light started to become clearer. A heavy weight rested on her upper self. She relieved it and everything was gone again. This repeated itself._

_She sat up and looked around. Grave faces she couldn't quite place surrounded her. "What is wrong?" Everyone looked at her. A little black… something jumped on her and ordered her to sleep. "Sleep." She repeated, and did so._

Alanna's head throbbed like the gods themselves had just smashed it in. She sat up and looked around. She slowly came to full consciousness. First, she realized the cold was gone. Second, she wasn't submerged in water. Third, she was dry. Fourth, she wore clothes. Fifth, "Did I win the bet?" Her last memory was the ice giving way beneath her feet, and bone chilling water covering her.

Raoul and Coram began to laugh, and then started to cry. Finally they both went into hysterics. She looked at Jon. Tears leaked from the corners of his eyes. Wet streaks went down his cheeks.

Suddenly Alanna realized what had happened. _Oh, gods no!_ She though fiercely, _not now, this cant have happened! I won't let it!_

I spent quite some time on this. Does anyone know what is wrong with her? R&R if you feel the need.


End file.
